I still managed to nail that son of a bitch
by Ms.Informed13
Summary: "For the first time since they had met just a few moments ago, the blonde was finally silent. She seemed to be shocked and Regina loved the incredulous look on her face, until the surprise melted into an indulgent smile, "Well," She extended her hand in an overly formal gesture, "It's nice to meet you, boss."" Swanqueen AU Oneshot


**A/N- So I found a thing buried deep in the recesses of my computer where all small things hide. I think once upon a time I had planned to make this story into something more, but upon further investigation (and me trying to clear out my hard drive) I think I'll leave it as is. The world needs more one shots.**

* * *

"This morning, as I was driving to work, I mistook a big brown box on the side of the road for a deer. It was dark, and I swerved at the last second, and even though it wasn't a deer, I still managed to nail that son of a bitch."  
― Jarod Kintz, This Book is Not FOR SALE

* * *

"And then Miss Blanchred let us pick what color glitter we wanted for our good luck charms and she poured them in all swirly."

"Mrs. Blanch-ard, darling."

"Blanch- A- red." The first grader tried from where he was strapped into a car seat in the back of Regina's black Mercedes. Peeking through her rear view mirror, the brunette smiled at the sight of her son, legs swinging and jacket still askew from the strong September breeze that was stirring up Storybrooke. He was holding the plastic 'good luck charm' in his small fingers and staring at it with all the wonder of a young child.

"Be careful you don't spill that in the car, dear. What do you think for dinner, Henry, chicken or pasta?" She was hoping the young boy would pick his favorite- pasta- since she already had everything she needed to throw together a quick red sauce.

"Pasta!" The boy happily announced, "Opps."

The light ahead of Regina changed from red to green, but her foot was slow off the brake as she twisted in her seat to see what her son had done. Henry had an anxious look on his face as blue and red glitter spilled from a small plastic star in his hand down onto his pants and the entire back of the car. Regina had just heaved an exasperated sigh when she was propelled forward. Due to her awkward twisting to watch Henry, she felt her neck strain painfully, and she knew she would have hit her head on the steering wheel had it not been for her arm acting as a buffer.

The mayor suppressed a quiet curse at the sick crunching of metal. She had been rear ended.

"Are you alright Henry?" She asked, looking in the rear mirror and fixing her hair, mentally preparing to chew out whoever it was that smashed into her.

"Yeah, my good luck charm isn't."

"Ok, hold tight for a minute. Mommy has to go and check on what happened." Regina cringed internally, the kid had her referring to herself in the third person.

Opening her door and placing both high heeled feet solidly on the ground, Regina drew herself up to her full 5' 6" and marched around to the back of her car. Her mouth twisted in disgust as she saw the monstrosity of a car that had plowed into her. The driver was standing with her back to Regina, she appeared to have just exited her car and she shut the door more roughly than necessary.

Whirling around, Regina could see the apology and concern ready on the blonde woman's lips, "Are you-"

"What on earth were you doing?" Regina interrupted, "Do you not know how to drive, or is that how everyone drives in," She paused to look at the license plate on the yellow bug, "Massachusetts?"

"I'm so sorry, are you ok?" Even after being berated by the brunette, this woman was exhibiting only concern and sympathy.

"No I am not ok." Regina mocked, "My son is in that car, you could have given him whiplash!"

Finally, the woman's kind demeanor was breaking down. Regina's harshness was grating on her patience, "Well did I?"

"Did you what?"

"Give your son whiplash?"

Regina swallowed thinly, the woman had seen through her ruse, "Not that I can tell, yet." the woman rolled her eyes at how intense Regina was, but people didn't just roll their eyes at Regina Mills and get away with it, "Do you have any idea who I am?"

The blonde laughed, she swept a critical eye up and down the woman standing in front of her with a hand on her cocked out hip, "Judging by the car you're driving and the way you're dressed, I'd say you're a typical housewife, whose husband works at some international company with an office out here in the middle of nowhere, you probably are a stay at home Mom who works two or three days a week at a cute little boutique." She paused, squinting at Regina's hair, "And going off of that glitter, you either also work as a stripper to supplement your income, or you have a very artsy kid."

Now it was Regina's turn to laugh at this woman's impression, causing the blonde to raise an eyebrow in question, "What, was I off?"

Regina narrowed her gaze, "Just a bit. I'm the mayor, dear."

For the first time since they had met just a few moments ago, the blonde was finally silent. She seemed to be shocked and Regina loved the incredulous look on her face, until the surprise melted into an indulgent smile, "Well," She extended her hand in an overly formal gesture, "It's nice to meet you, boss."

"Excuse me?"

"I'm the new sheriff." The blonde replied with a large smirk.


End file.
